A Place I'd Rather Not Be
by pishymishy
Summary: Legolas begins to understand death and what mortality means to those around him.


A/N: Not mine.  
  
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A Place I'd Rather Not Be  
  
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I didn't see it. Didn't expect it. Never thought it was possible. Perhaps I was naive to assume that he was indestructible. It was most likely my own wishful thinking and arrogance. The idea of it was so absurd that it never once crossed my mind. But then, the world is changing and things are not as they once were. But is it so? Is all hope lost?  
  
Could it be that Aragorn is gone forever?  
  
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The cool surface of the Evenstar cut into my hand as I stood over that cliff, unbelieving. I was holding on too tightly. All around me, survivors were beginning to make their way back and towards Helm's Deep.  
  
Leave the dead.  
  
I could not believe the words that seemed so easily to flow from Theoden's mouth. Should something not be done? At least attempted to recover Aragorn? No... Theoden was mistaken, he was not dead. He had yet to fulfill all that had been foreseen for him; had not yet reached his destiny of a great King of Men.  
  
And how would the quest fair? For so much had already been suffered and sacrificed. We began as nine--a lifetime ago. Then, after, we were the three hunters. But once again our numbers had diminished.  
  
Aragorn had fallen.  
  
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The crowds of people seem to spread apart like water as we walked through. Gimli's usually proud composure was crumpled beside me. It made him seem as tiny as any of the hobbits.  
  
Faces streamed by in a blurry mess and my mind was gone, lost somewhere in the vast glittering emptiness above.  
  
Death. Dying.  
  
I thought I understood what those words meant. I thought that being mortal meant that someday you will die. I am such a fool. There is so much more to death and dying-as there are to life and living.  
  
I brought death to hundreds. In my lifetime, thousands. But I never stopped to understand-to completely know, what exactly it was that I was doing. I suppose I was just very removed from it all. Those I killed were unjust and deserving of my fatal arrows.  
  
And despite my years, I had my first taste of mortality in the Caves of Moria with Gandalf. Through my overwhelming sense of loss and confusion, I understood one thing: I knew nothing of death.  
  
With the loss of Aragorn, I think I'm finally beginning to understand that dying is a reality that is experienced by all. Mortal and Immortal-if one cares even for a single being on Middle-Earth, they will be affected, to some degree, by death.  
  
It can come without warning and cares not whom the victim may be.  
  
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I move to the highest possible point at Helm's Deep and I am alone. Perched as high as I am, I feel closer to the stars and the gentle wind soothes my tousled soul. It would almost make me feel joy, if my heart could feel anything more than sorrow.  
  
How was it possible? The heir of Isildur never to be king...his prophecy unfulfilled. All hope for the race of men destroyed with the loss of just one. Though he was a great man, deserving of the throne.  
  
And what of Arwen? How could I face her when I so faithfully vowed that I would see to it that we both would return to her? What could I say to her that could possibly assuage her bereavement?  
  
My face is wet and I know that I am crying. I hold the Evenstar in my hand once again and grieve heavily for the world and its loss. I shed tears for myself and for Arwen.  
  
Even in the darkness the jewel is still bright and cool in my palms. Arwen. A constant source of light and reassurance through all my long years.and even now brings me hope. I shall be the one to tell her the news and perhaps, for once, I can bring her some comfort-though I doubt it.  
  
Aragorn loved Arwen. I thought there could be no other who loved her more than I, saving that of her father and two brothers, for she is my dearest friend. Then I met Aragorn.  
  
He was deserving of her love.  
  
When we left Imladris, I reminded Aragorn, with one simple look, that someone was waiting for him to return to her. And I, perhaps being overprotective, reminded him that she was precious to me.  
  
I actually never thought it would come to this. I should have heeded my own caution. I never wanted to be in this position.  
  
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Dawn is wasted on this day. But we must surge forward to meet the coming doom. The earth reeks of fear and disgust. The wind brings news of danger and despair.then, of hope.  
  
Estel.  
  
He looks ill, shaken, tired and carries a burden much too heavy on his shoulders. But my heart is overcome with gladness and my faith in men is restored.  
  
As I place the Evenstar in his ragged hand, a mutual understanding passes between us.  
  
There is hope still.  
  
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FIN 


End file.
